I spent a few days taking grueling tests and waiting in line for my turn to play in front of the judges. There were also written tests and ear-training tests. After 1 year of preparations, and non stop practicing, tears, and missing my mom - I did not get in.

I did not get in. 

But I was placed on the waiting list. Meaning that out of the two to three spots available for my grade, I did not make the final cut. However, if there had been more openings, they might have accepted me. The waiting list also meant that if someone who had been accepted dropped out, I could be admitted. If no one dropped out, they wanted me to come back the following year and try again. I was not as strong as the other students who were accepted. They simply chose the best.

This is a story about me and a girl named Sonya. This happened 37 years ago and fatally changed the direction of my life.

I don't think she is aware or ever will be aware of how much she influenced the overall direction of my life.

I am not sure if I should be thankful or angry. I feel confusion and sadness that my actions were influenced so much by an event that happened when I was 12 years old. I am 49 now, and I finally processed what happened and who I have become because of something that happened 37 years ago. Sometimes an event, a split moment, a person could change your life forever, and you won’t even realize it until much later.